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Improving Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbal communication is the single most powerful form of communication and includes facial expressions, body language, gestures, use of personal space, tone of voice, eye gaze and posture amongst others.  Daily we are responding to thousands of non-verbal cues which help let us in on what is going on in someone else’s mind.

One study at UCLA revealed that up to 93% of communication effectiveness is determined by non-verbal cues. Non-verbals convey mood/state of mind, interpersonal feelings, support our verbal message (spoken words) and provide feedback and insight into the messages we are receiving when listening.  Improving your skills in interpreting non-verbal communication will enhance your ability to interact meaningfully with others and reduce misinterpretation of messages and conflict situations. 

According to Alton Barbour, author of “Louder Than Words: Nonverbal Communication,” the total impact of a message breaks down like this:

7% WHAT you say (words)
38% HOW you say it (volume, pitch, tone, rhythm, etc)
55% Your BODY language (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc)

People communicate on many levels and every gesture communicates something if you ‘listen with your eyes.’  Both verbal and non-verbal communication work together to convey a message. You can improve your spoken communication by using non-verbal cues and gestures to reinforce and support your message. This is very useful when making presentations or speaking to a large group of people.

"When we speak (or listen), our attention is focused on words rather than body language. But our judgement includes both. An audience is simultaneously processing both verbal and nonverbal cues. Body movements are not usually positive or negative in and of themselves; rather, the situation and the message will determine the appraisal." - Givens, D.B. (2000) ‘Body Speak: What Are You Saying?’ Successful Meetings magazine (October 2000) 51 p4

Tips for Improved Non-Verbal Communication:

1. Eye Contact - Maintain frequent eye contact but avoid staring, glaring or looking away.  When people fail to look others in the eye, it may be interpreted they are trying to hide something. However, too much eye contact can be confronting or intimidating.
2. Facial Expressions – Whilst other non-verbal cues may vary depending on culture, the facial expressions for happiness, sadness, fear and anger are similar throughout the world.  Use facial expressions - especially a smile - to communicate sincerity to your listener.  Before talking on the telephone, be conscious of your facial expression – if you are smiling, this will be conveyed in your tone of voice.
3. Tone of Voice - The tone of your voice conveys an array of information - from excitement to disinterest to anger. The important parts of your message can be reinforced by changing your vocal pitch. Stress and intonation patterns help to make your message clearer and more meaningful to the listener. Notice how your voice tone affects how others respond to you.  Try using tone of voice to emphasize the message you want to communicate.
4. Body Movement - Be relaxed and attentive. To gain acceptance, lean slightly toward your listener. Avoid slouching or sitting rigidly.  Sit up straight – good posture conveys a professional image.  Nodding your head from time to time will signal you understand the message being conveyed.
5. Gestures – Use selective hand movements that enhance your message and ‘paint the picture’ for your listener.  Avoid distracting non-verbal behaviours like fiddling with a pen which will negatively impact your listener and show you are not truly concentrating.
6. Groups of Signals - Look for groups of signals that reinforce a common point rather than putting too much emphasis on just one isolated signal out of many.  This may lead you to come to an inaccurate conclusion about what a person is trying to communicate.  e.g. If a person is smiling, nodding, leaning forward and taking notes, one could comfortably conclude they are genuinely interested in what they are hearing.
7. Incongruent Behaviour - If a person’s words say one thing but their non-verbal behaviour does not match then you need to pay careful attention. Research reveals that when words fail to be consistent with non-verbal signals, people tend to ignore what has been said and concentrate instead on non-verbal expressions of moods, thoughts, and emotions.  e.g. a person might say “I’m fine” but they look to the ground and their voice tone signals you otherwise.
8. Ask Questions - If you are getting confused messages about a person's non-verbal signals, ask questions to clarify what they really mean or re-state what you think they have said. e.g. “So what you are saying is that...” or “By that statement do you mean...”

Finally, Practice, practice, practice - Being able to “read people” is a skill you can build by watching and practicing different types of non-verbal communication with others. By enhancing these skills, you can dramatically improve your communication abilities.

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." - Peter F Drucker

Communication Improvement

Misunderstanding

Social conflicts always involve some misunderstanding. Conflict parties communicate by what they say (or do not) and how they behave toward one another. Even normal interaction involves faulty communication but conflict seems to increase it. The higher the level of conflict, the more costly misunderstanding may be. At every stage and level of conflict, clear communication among parties usually works to reduce unwise decisions by, and costs for, the participants.

Communication Accuracy

Much determines the accuracy of communication among conflict parties. As a conflict emerges, adversaries become more emotional. Anger, fear, hostility, and suspicion all serve to make communicators more likely to send and receive faulty messages from their opponents, even from their supporters. Emotion control would be one way of encouraging accuracy. The context of the communication is also important. The more noise and distraction, the less clear the message. The pace of message exchange would also influence clarity, for example, how long and carefully one considers a message before responding to it. How easily one can respond would affect such consideration. A conflict among physics faculty, for instance, intensified as participants were able to dash off e-mail responses to one another, unrestrained by slower, more direct and more stressful ways of communicating. Finally, a verification capability for conflict parties would tend to increase communication accuracy, checking that messages sent were correctly received.

Sending and Listening Skills

Conflict parties should use a message checker for written communications, somewhat like a computer's spell check function. A checker is someone who will ask you what you wish to convey by your intended message and whether it will actually be heard that way by the recipient. This is often done incidentally but building it formally into the communication process would give it the prominence it deserves. Much misunderstanding is created simply by careless and imprecise use of words, the "sounds like but isn't" problem.

The more hostile communication is, the less accurately it may be heard. Hostility produces a defensive reaction by the receiver, who is then less likely to pick up nuances that give a message greater clarity. An important sending skill is knowing how to favour disarming language over arming language. The latter selects more forceful over more moderate words, uses statements rather than questions and when spoken, is usually accompanied by hostile intonations, pauses and other nonverbal messages that convey hostile feeling.

Making points and expressing emotions through "I" messages is a technique that often works to expand an opponent's ability to listen and hear. Such messages locate the conflict outside of the listener, where it can more easily be reframed for co-operative resolution. "I" messages also focus on behaviour rather than person as the source of the conflict. Less likely to be felt as personal attacks, they encourage a similar "I" response from the "other."

Often a conflict party is less interested in being clearly understood than in "having their say." If their opponent is similarly motivated, a war of words with little clear communication is probable. However, having one's say is a necessary first step toward mutual disclosure and emotional openness to resolving the conflict. An opponent's disarming listening, though, may be as useful as her disarming language. In fact, how one listens tells the speaker much. The technique of active listening (Hocker and Wilmot 1991, 239) has several functions. First, the listener permits the venting of emotion. The speaker feels heard, tension is released. The listener's body posture and gestures such as head nodding confirm for the speaker the sense of being heard. His feelings are reflected back by the listener (e.g. "It really was important for you that...."). She restates or paraphrases what the speaker has said, again checking with him for accuracy. She then asks clarifying questions for further information. The telling-listening function is extremely important in conflict resolution. This is particularly true where a continuing relationship between the parties is necessary, whether it be divorcing parents or ethnic communities in Bosnia.